The Drollian Zodiac

The Drollian Zodiac

May 2004

Aries Now is the time to put your best foot forward.  If you don't have a "best" foot try an arm or something.  I'm sure with a little luck, which we know isn't in the cards in this pre-ordained star dominated mystic world we live in, you might make it through the whole month without losing your truck to "those dang creditors".

 

Libra Let's start with small goals.  See if you can make it through the month without offending everyone in the neighborhood.  A first suggestion might be, when you pass out from drinking try to do it inside the trailer and not on the front steps.
Taurus Congratulations!  You've made it to the next round of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.  I bet  you thought this day would never come.  I think its probably safe to go ahead and get that big screen TV you've always longed for, what with all the cash coming in soon.

 

Scorpio Love is in the air in May.  For you that just means some quality alone time of course.  If your work schedule allows you should consider volunteering some of your time.  It would do you good to see life from the other side of the giant soup tureen. 
Gemini Big, big month for Gemini's.  Concentrate on your career, family, and faith this month.  We have faith that your family's going to leave you if you don't get a career going pretty soon.  Remember, money isn't everything, and in your case it isn't anything. 

 

Sagittarius You're born to entertain.  You love the crowds.  Unfortunately, somewhere along the way you got stuck in an untalented person's body.  If you really concentrate on your vocal mechanics you'll most likely still be one of the worst singers I've ever heard.

Cancer Life is like a box of chocolates.  Dark on the outside and at times surprisingly disgusting when you really dig in.  Religious overtones will dominate your month.  If you play your cards right there just might be a bobbing-head dashboard Jesus in your future.

 

Capricorn -  In a normal month you're no bargain to hang out with.  This month, with allergy season at its peak you're really in "crowd pleasing" mode.  Grab some tissues and lock yourself in a room with a TV that has decent reception.

Leo Sometimes life deals us a bad hand.  Your hand consists of the 2 of diamonds, 4 of clubs, 5 of spades, 7 of diamonds, and 9 of hearts.  The best life goal you can hope for is to limit physical pain and suffering.  There will undoubtedly be plenty, but there's nothing like a twelver of Colt 45 to take the edge off.

 

Aquarius Your head is always in the clouds and your heart soars at the mere thought of sunny meadows.  And speaking of heart sores, aren't you about due for that angioplasty?  You can't eat pork rinds and Ho Ho's constantly for 35 years and not expect some consequences.

Virgo If life could be compared to a grocery store checkout line you would be stuck forever behind the elderly heavy woman who left her glasses at home and is struggling mightily to find her coupons, bank card, and check book.  You hate that woman but you're not about to leave and lose your spot in line.

Pisces    Concentrate on paying down your debts and being nice to people this month.  If you own a Trans Am and/or have a mullet hair cut concentrate on getting a reduced price on your cigarettes by driving to the tax free stand on the reservation. 

 

see January 2004 see February 2004
see March 2004 see April 2004