The Drollian Zodiac

The Drollian Zodiac

March 2004

Aries You are a lover of life but life doesn't love you back.  You live every moment as if it were your last, and most of us wish it were too.  Chase your dreams, they're all you've got.  Maybe this time around you can put on some deodorant first.


Libra Your motto is "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"  Only trouble is you can't beat 'em OR join 'em.  This pretty much limits your options Tex.  May I suggest curling up with a good book in a nice salts bath?  Hang in there, next month should be worse.
Taurus Ah Taurus.  The mighty head-strong bull.  The moon signs indicate a certain lack of compunction made more problematic by a certain lack of hygiene.  Keep your objectives small this month.  Bring your goals down a notch.  Also, not everyone cares that you won $5.00 in that Scratcher's game.


Scorpio The food services industry has been waiting a long time for you my friend.  Take pride in everything you do no matter how meaningless and trivial it may seem.  And make no mistake...virtually everything you do is meaningless and trivial.  I'm just saying make the best of it.
Gemini You can't find your butt with both hands on a good day.  This isn't a good day or a good month for that matter.  Stick by your guns and insist that the boss spring for a brush for your toilet cleaning chores.  You've been doing it long enough without one.


Sagittarius I see something very unusual happening to you this month.  Several of the lesser planets like Pluto and Gammogobulin 4 have formed a curvy line parallel to the ninth rubric of  Garthenon.  This can only mean one thing....

Cancer Cancers are the little treasures of the zodiac.  Your heart's in the right place but your hand's always on someone else's wallet.  I'm getting a little tired of you always bringing the cheapest bottle of wines to my parties, pretending you're very interested in checking out this obscure vintner.


Capricorn -  You had your big month last go around.  Now it's somebody else's turn.  Hope you didn't spend all your newfound gain as this month's misery will more than make up for your pathetic windfall.  Take two aspirin and call me in April.

Leo Every lion has his day.  Perhaps this month you'll find yours.  Perhaps not.  It's pretty much a crap shoot anyway.  Let me tell you, the people that don't read this crap are out there figuring out ways to make a buck off of numbskulls like you.  And it's WORKING!


Aquarius The water sign.  That reminds me. . .I need to go make water.  But first let me just say that you're in for a treat this month.  Pisces figures into the picture as you have a legitimate shot at placing in the top three of a sack race, if you've entered one I mean.

Virgo Time to gather all your various black t-shirts into your plastic Fry's bag and hit the road my friend.  The old lady meant it this time when she said you had to either get a job or get out.  I know she never got so worked up before but there's a first time for everything, amigo.

Pisces I always say goals are the most important thing in getting your life on track.  A good one for you might be to not take out more money from the offering plate at church than you put in.  I know that's asking a lot but you can put off the mullet trim another month.


see January 2004 see February 2004