Kid Rock Still Famous
News that kid rock is still famous has astounded many in the entertainment industry, most of all the Kid himself. "I don't get it. I don't do anything particular well. My personality is pretty bland. I'm a bit slow and not at all attractive. I guess this just lets you know what kind of a great country this is where a guy with no talent or charisma can sustain a career doing whatever it is that I do."
Head of FEMA Michael Brown Officially Diagnosed as Petarded
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In response to what some white house sources have called "a
monumental clusterfuck" and a "freakin' PR nightmare"
Walter Reed Psychiatrist Dr. Len Jurgenson has released information
that Mike Brown had been diagnosed as "petarded" during
a screening prior to his heading FEMA. Using the Psychiatric Association
of America's formulated IQ tests, Dr. Jurgenson found Mr. Brown's
intelligence to lie somewhere between 'retarded' and 'creationists'.
"This should put talk of Mike's incompetence to rest as he
is clearly one of the brightest men in the White House" Jurgenson
said.
Toby Keith Suffering Severe Writer's Block in the Wake of Katrina
In a career that saw nothing but gold records in the aftermath of 9/11 Toby Keith is now struggling to stay current. "How in the hell do you write songs about kickin' a hurricane's ass. That's what I want to know. And what the hell rhymes with Katrina anyway." Toby lamented. Toby's last album featuring songs "Run, Nigger, Run" and "I'm Gonna Fuckin' Kill You Osama, You Bastard" fared poorly on the country charts. Toby blames P2P file sharing and a country that has turned its back on 'real music' as the causes.
