September 12, 2005

Al Qaeda Tape Actually Made by CIA Agent's Nephew

Katrina

WASHINGTON DC - A tape delivered to ABC news in Pakistan and supposedly made by Al Qaeda has been found to be a fraud. Suspicions first arose about the validity of the tape based on the perfect English used and the frequent use of the word 'dude'. Upon further investigation it was learned that the tape had been crafted by an unnamed CIA agent's nephew. CIA spokesman Maxwell Bratton had this to say about the episode, "Look, it's easy to go way off the deep end with something like this. This is youthful hijinks, pure and simple."


Donald Rumsfield's Million Man March

Katrina

WASHINGTON DC - Yesterday's "America Supports You Freedom Walk" sponsored by the Department of Defense was by all accounts a huge success. Over 2000 attended the walk from the Pentagon to the World War II Memorial. Evie Mavitz of Ohio could barely contain her excitement "Oh my, it was just great. The four day security screening we went through was more than worth it. We were given 'freedom dog tags', 'freedom baseball caps' and special 'freedom badges' to wear with our 'freedom t-shirts'. There were vendors selling 'freedom fries' and 'freedom-ade' which I think was Gatorade but the bottles had american flags on them so I couldn't tell." The revelry was concluded by a concert from country singer Clint "Freedom" Black who sang a number of songs about freedom as well as debuting an unreleased track entitled "I Wasn't the One Who Gave You Herpes". Many said they couldn't wait until next September 11 when the Pentagon will be hosting the "No, Really, America Does Support You, No Kidding Freedom Walk"