September 11, 2005

Bush Pleads for Spirit of 9/11

WASHINGTON DC - In his radio address Saturday, President Bush pleaded for the return of the spirit of 9/11 to help guide America through the current disaster in the Gulf Coast. The spirit of 9/11 from his home in Palm Springs stated "I'm done, man. I've spent four years bailing that moron out of jams. He's on his own this time."

September 11th Declared National Holiday

WASHINGTON DC - President Bush signed into law today a provision making September 11th a National Holiday to be commemorated by prayer and thanksgiving. "We have so much to be grateful for in this great country," said Bush at a ceremony on the White House lawn today. "Queers aren't getting married. Men of business and leaders of the community are not being drained of their vital personal assets by slackers, loafers, evildoers, ne'er do wells and folks who just can't seem to get with the program. America is returning to the strong family values that made us the great nation we are today. I thank Jesus, that's right I said Jesus, for the 3000 men and women who so valiantly gave their lives four years ago today that we could enjoy the freedom and the quality of life we know now. Thank you and God Bless America."