September 10, 2005
Dems Lash Out at Administration over Katrina Debacle
WASHINGTON DC - Harsh words for the Bush administration reverberated throughout capitol hill this week after the hurricane Katrina debacle in the Gulf Coast. Democratic Senator Diane Feinstein today said "Well, you know it would have been nice if they'd gotten there sooner but i'm pretty sure they did the best they could." Earlier this week Senator Barbara Boxer stated " I suppose the president should have cut his vacation short by a few days but I understand how grueling it is here in Washington and how he might be reluctant to do that." Seeking to hold those responsible accountable Sen. John Kerry said "I hear it was pretty bad at first but it looks OK now. We're working on some committees and stuff in our spare time and eventually we'll get around to figuring out what happened. We don't want to play the blame game now. We really should be focusing on helping those still suffering."
President Bush Drinking Again
WASHINGTON DC - "All I can say is, thank God" says white house staffer, Barbara Packer. After years of what some have referred to as 'white knuckle' sobriety President Bush has returned to drinking and according to most white house personel we spoke with they couldn't be happier. The possibility that President Bush may be suffering from what is known as 'dry drunk syndrome' has been raised many times by prominent psychiatrists during his presidency. Dr. Hal Breen, director of an upscale treatment center in Arizona, describes the syndrome as 'a state where an alcoholic has quit drinking but not undergone any deep personal or spiritual change. He's angry that he can't drink anymore and adheres to the same values he had when drinking. They usually wind up living miserable lives and make everyone around them miserable as well.' Willis Conrad, white house office worker says "He's (Pres. Bush) a hundred times easier to get along with now. We don't mind seeing him passed out on the floor of the oval office in his underwear because we know he'll be in a good mood when he 'comes to'."
Michael Brown Promoted
WASHINGTON DC - Michael Brown was appointed to a cabinet level position as the Secretary of the 'Super Secret White House Commando Rangers' it was announced today. Vice Admiral Thad Allen has been tapped to cover Mr. Brown's former post as FEMA agency chief. Mr. Brown's new office, located about three miles from the White House, will be known as the official headquarters of the newly formed Super Secret White House Commando Rangers. In addition, Mr. Brown will recieve a significant increase in salary as well as a decoder ring. "I couldn't be happier" states Brown.
White House Releases List of Games They Won't be Playing
WASHINGTON DC - The 'Blame Game' tops the list of games that are now forbidden to White House staff. Old favorites like 'Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots', 'Hungry, Hungry Hippo' and 'Operation' are also off limits. Playing the game 'Sorry' has been singled out as grounds for immediate dismissmal for any staffer.
