Deposed Dictator Trades Guns for Guitar
Saddam Contemplates Play list for New Year's Eve Spider Hole Gig
Baghdad, Iraq – Clutching an aged Gibson Electric and wearing a faded Frankie Goes to Hollywood T-shirt under his unlaundered suit jacket, a rather haggard looking Saddam Hussein met briefly with reporters Friday, between military interrogations. "I don’t know what is all the fussing about," slurred a noticeably disheveled ex-Supreme Ruler of all Iraqis, "I made the career shift of mine about one years ago. Sons rule all of Iraq for long, long time now." The next 25 minutes took on a nearly surreal feeling as Hussein checked off a litany of new goals and ambitions, mostly centered on his ill-advised journey into pop music. "I am with always loving to be in the rock and roll, baby! Today I am sure in the not so big clubs, but as you can be sure, next day… watch out!"
When asked why he had been hiding from authorities when captured, Mr. Hussein responded that he wasn’t hiding, but was in fact "chillin’ wid’ my axe in my mellow place." Lieutenant Robert Charles, spokesman for the U.S. Army Command Center stated that Saddam has been entirely uncooperative during the serial interrogations that are designed to open a window into the pervasive regime resistance. "I asked him if he had any specific information on one of our key suspects, Ihtseims Yusuq, a known organizer of terrorist activity. His response was that ‘he’d always been a big fan of the Beastie Boys but wished he could sing just like Tom Waits, who is his all-time idol’. "It doesn’t feel like we’re getting anywhere," continued a frustrated Lt. Charles. "But I can tell you, I listened to him play the other day…and he does have some pretty mean chops."
|Later in the session an increasingly animated
Saddam piped up with, "I am anxious to be announcing from here the plans
of my new CD release. That is called ‘I Got Your Supreme Ruler Right
Here’. Twelve brand new songs including hit release ‘Watch out Yankee, Or
I Jihad Your Ass.’"
Hussein "Lives to Follow in Mr. Wait's Steps"
In a bizarre, and ongoing, twist, some insiders in the U.S. State Department have become concerned that the rocking dictator intends to use his new status as teen idol as a podium to continue to regain power and direct the underground resistance. They point to one of the songs on his new album, ‘Blow them to bits on 1/14/04’. Song lyrics, included in the CD insert, contain the phrases, ‘don’t forget to drive to checkpoint 31 at 2 p.m. with rigged car bomb’ and ‘Bring your shoulder launched rocket guns to alley behind Mullah’s Antiques! Allah is Great!’" This seems to us, at least on the surface, to be suspicious, and at the very minimum could be construed as intending to incite the teens to poor behavior. Only time will tell." Saddam’s new act can be taken in every Thursday and Friday evening at the new Spider Hole Lounge in Basra.